Dear Makers of P90X Extreme Exercise Regimen,
Thank you for your excellent "extreme" product. I have been trying it for five days now. You promised "extreme" changes to my body, and you've already delivered in startling ways. You promised I'd experience "muscle confusion", and, indeed, my muscles are very, very, confused.
I can't move.
Your advertising includes many testimonies: "I've lost thirty pounds and four inches off my waist," and "I've lost ten pounds of fat, and two inches," etc.
Well, I'm not sure about my weight loss, since I can no longer summon the energy to roll across the floor and onto a scale. Nor am I sure about losing any inches. I can't put my pants on.
I have, however, lost a lot: My ability to perform routine tasks. My hopes and dreams.
Control over my bladder.
My will to live.
Thank you, P90X people. Like you say on the videos, I'm just "pumped" to "bring it" every day and it delights me to no end to see your smiling, toned faces as I flicker in and out of consciousness lying on my living room floor. Thank you.
Your product is extreme. Very, very extreme. When I get the energy, and if I get my motor skills back, I'm going to "bring it" -- "it" will be a full-strength "toning band" -- and strangle each and every one of you in sets of 25 reps.
Love,
Brant
