A Christian Cruising Q and A
Q: Any problems finding the ship for the Big Christian Cruise? Did you go to the wrong port?
A: Did I go to the wrong port? That's kind of a strange question. Did I go to the wrong port? Whatever.
Q: Did you go to the wrong port?
A: I don't get why this question is relevant, and --
Q: Did you go to the wrong port?
A: Yes.
Q: When did you figure out that it wasn't the right port?
A: When there was no ship there.
Q: You didn't even find out before you left which port the cruise ship was leaving from?
A: I'm not a details guy. I'm up front about that.
Q: How Christian was the Christian cruise?
A: Well, the casino was open, and fully staffed, but no one went in there to gamble. There was a staff person at each table, all night, standing by him or herself. No one in there.
Q: What about drinking?
A: Very little drinking. We were told the bars would be open, but drinking might "confuse people" who see you do it, so don't do it. When Christians behave in ways that are unhealthy, it confuses people.
Q: Did you drink?
A: Can't answer. I don't want to confuse people.
Q: But doesn't maturity often confuse the immature? Shouldn't we welcome confusion if the dissonance yields eventual understanding and wisdom?
A: That's an insightful question. I have no answer for that.
Q: Well, maybe it's good to have a solid witness to avoid confusing people. Cruise ships have hundreds of staff, too, from other countries, who may be confused by seeing Christians using the bar.
A: The staff, it might be noted, weighed an average of 300 lbs less, per person, than the Christian passengers. Every staff person was slim. We passengers were even larger than the usual cruise crowd. I think they might find that confusing.
Q: But that's food. Jesus never said, "Don't eat food." He just told us, "Don't drink alcohol."
A: Yes, I remember that. I heard there would be some huge Christian music fans on board, and there sure were.
Q: Did you play any mini-golf in 100 MPH winds?
A: Funny you should mention that. Yes, yes, I did. The course was atop the ship, and it got stormy. No actual putting necessary. I just set the ball down, and watched it roll uphill. I may be the first-ever golfer, at any level, to score a hole-in-none.
Q; Wow. That sounds like a funny story, but it's really not.
A: I know.
Q: When you got your luggage delivered to your room, was anyone's underwear stuck to it?
A: Why...yes. Freaky. I got my luggage, and some guy's gray underwear was adhered to the outside of my suitcase.
Q: Sick.
A: I know. It confused me, so he shouldn't have done it.
Q: What did you do?
A: A bellhop-guy said he would take it, but first I wanted a picture with it, so Carolyn took a picture of me with it. Then I turned around and tried to get the bellhop's attention, since he was now facing the other way. I kept saying, "Here's the underwear. Here's the underwear. Excuse me, here's the underwear," and I was holding it out to him. "Here's the underwear." And he turned around, and it was a different guy.
Q: ...
A: Yep.
Q: What was your favorite part of the boat?
A: They had a library! I like libraries a lot.
Q: That's neat! I guess the idea that our culture is completely intellectually lazy is defeated by the presence of a library on board! Sure, there were large crowds hovering over the ice-cream machine 24 hours a day, but at least they had a library! Long live the life of the mind!
A: The library was open from 11 a.m. to 11:15 a.m.
Q: So was the whole thing a huge celebration of food?
A: There were some good concerts. "Tobymac" always puts on a good show, and Ayeisha Woods is really talented, among others. But food seemed to be the star, yes. When people weren't eating, they were talking about eating.
Q: What was the last thing you heard while leaving the boat?
A: Well, as we were walking through the hall on the way out, one lady was leaning in a cabin doorway, talking to someone inside the room whom I couldn't see. She was mad, and she said, "I thought you was gonna eat that on the deck."
Q: Was the cruise enjoyable?
A: I love being with my wife, and I get to work with some very, very cool people who were aboard. It's sure a neat job perk to be able to do that.
Q: What about the net affect of being around all that food, and the sight of all those people eating all the time, non-stop?
A: I lost two pounds.
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