Krusty-Scholar-in-Residence Mike Taylor made this t-shirt.
It sure beats "Do the Jew", and I find it more comfy than the familiar, "God said it. I believe it. That settles it."
Mike is a paleontologist. It's perhaps safe to say he has little time to pursue graphic design. But he centered it nicely.
In July, they had me come in and speak at their big, awesome, mod church service-thing in a gym. There were like, 600 people there. They asked, and I was glad to do it. It's one of those sleek stages and double-big-screen-things and cool water pictures that moved and stuff behind the Chris Tomlin lyrics.
(New apparent goal for blog: No entries without words, "Chris" and "Tomlin")
Anyway, there were pictures cool waterfalls and lava flows and stuff and everyone there is young and good-looking and cool and it was dark in there and they had rugs and coffee and stuff. I felt right at home, like I was in, you know, a coffee shop, except darker, and with big spotlights and some giant pictures of volcanic activity, and some basketball goals.
I came up on the stage, in my cool jeans and hip, tucked-in t-shirt, and, in the big spotlight, I spoke. I was not behind a pulpit or music stand. I didn't use notes. I'm too slick for that. The scripture was on the screens, with pictures of spaceships taking off and stuff.
I could tell -- I had their attention, instantly.*
I spoke about some powerful things.* I spoke about some things that really hit home.* I made people laugh*, and then cry*, laugh again*, and then suddenly -- quite suddenly -- stop and consider their lives.*
I drove scripture home with passion.*
I paused at just the right times, and varied my vocal cadence and pitch, to great effect.* Mouths were agape the entire time.* People found my jokes very, very amusing.* They were clearly, noticeably unsettled when I paused in front of them, stage-center, and charismatically spoke in an emotionally-charged, vulnerable way.*
We need, I told them, to be truly honest with God -- truly open.*
I reminded them that I, too, am not perfect. Oh, sure, my hair might be impressive, and my physical fitness level better than most, but I, too, had shortcomings. "No, really," I told them, as I could see their faces of pure shock and disbelief.*
I was told, by many on their way out, how they will never, ever forget my powerful sermon.*
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* -- A church elder pointed out, immediately after my sermon, that my fly was unzipped the entire time.
(NRB story continued, since I just got the picture from my friend, Matt)
...and that's how I fulfilled a life-long dream of getting kicked off TBN, because after Paul Crouch magically appeared with entourage, he instructed Jesus, a camel, George W., Sarah Palin, and some Roman guards, and some other guy to gather 'round, and he started interviewing everybody, and I stayed in the shot, nodding knowingly, "Of course...of course...", stroking my chin, until a producer noticed me and told me to leave.
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