Letters from Kamp Krusty

If Jesus Had a Blog: The Good News is Getting Out

What up.  Man, it's a busy time of year.  It's time to celebrate my birth, I guess, so everyone's doing what you'd expect in response -- the only logical option:  Guzzling egg nog and singing about Frosty the Snowman. 

I have noticed there are people passing, children laughing, and I'm greeting smile after smile.  So that's nice.

(It's all awesome, but you know what really frosts me?  When the people at the Jerusalem Costco say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas".  MAN, that sets me off.  I hope my followers, thousands of years from now, make a huge, huge deal out of that, in keeping with my teachings regarding Christmas and stuff.  Okay, so I'm being sarcastic.  This isn't the first time, folks.)

###

Anyways, it's all good, and here's my real point:  I'm pretty stoked, because I sent more followers out today to tell the good news!  And here's the news:  The Kingdom of God is near!

Some are catching on that I'm the Messiah, because they see the evidence:  Blind people getting their sight back!  Deaf people getting their hearing!  Lepers now clean!  And the good news is getting out to poor people!

POSTED  TODAY  2:34 P.M.

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COMMENTS

 

I'm sorry, Jesus, but last time I checked, that wasn't the Good News.  You don't tell the whole story. 

The Good News is that I got my ticket to Gloryland!

-- sharon777

So...when Jesus shares the Good News with the poor, he's supposed to say, "Hey, everybody, Sharon777 got her ticket to Gloryland!" ??

I mean, we know you're important, Sharon, but...

-- julsmith20

I'm with sharon777.  The Good News is that Jesus died for us, and we can accept him and go to heaven.  It bothers me that this blog entry doesn't reflect that.  I'm not even sure what all the "kingdom" talk is about, but it's not the Gospel. 

-- prayerwarrior4god

Sarcasm isn't very Christian.

-- nicole_1985

Excuse me, but my church has BIBLE studies, BIBLE preaching, BIBLE class, Vacation BIBLE School...and I have no idea what you're talking about.  So something is really wrong, and I'm just going to presume it's you.

-- liz2

So, I know this wasn't your main point, but you act like it's no big deal that stores won't say, "Merry Christmas."  I think it's time we took a stand, before it's too late to win our country back.

Didn't you tell us to "take a stand" to win our country back?

-- momof4

Right on, "momof4".  I was at Walgreen's this week, buying one of those massive inflatable lawn ornaments, and the lady behind the counter was all like, "Have a great holiday" and man, that burned me up. 

I think it totally takes the focus off of you, Baby Jesus.

-- cindysue12

I don't like the implicit message in this blog entry, here, J.  If God's "kingdom" is "good news", it means we're supposed to want him in charge of everything, like some kind of king.  Not only is this sexist/monarchist, it implies I'm merely his "subject" and I'm supposed to advance his agenda.  How's that "Good News"?

The implications for this are huge.  I like calling my own shots.   I don't serve a demanding "god" who threatens this kind of stuff.  I'm done with this website.

Does Baby Jesus have a blog?

-- goblue32

I think you guys are missing something important here.  He says in his last line that the "good news" is getting to the poor, and that's evidence he is God's chosen one. 

THAT, to me, is the offensive thing.  It shouldn't make a difference whether someone is poor or not.  Our church targets rich people in the Dallas suburbs, because -- guess what -- we're rich people in the Dallas suburbs.  We spend $4 million a year to reach ourselves, and there's nothing wrong with this at all, because God loves us, too.

Yes, poor people matter, but no more than anyone else, and it's not like God has some kind of special relationship with them.

-- howboutthemboys96

Actually, I think Jesus is saying he does have some kind of special relationship with them. 

-- annie21

Well, the God *I* worship doesn't look at people differently just because one has money and power and the other doesn't.

-- howboutthemboys96

I'm sure that's true.

-- annie21

You're a pinko lefty.

-- howboutthemboys96

You're probably so stupid you voted for McCain/Palin.

-- annie21

Hey, I like Sarah Palin.  She's a Christian, like Tim Tebow.  Did you see how unfair they were to her about her clothes? 

-- trish

Sarah Palin said she could see Russia from her house.  How reckless was it for McCain to nominate her, anyway?  Embarrassing.  I don't vote for backward Wal-Mart shoppers.  Sorry.

-- bob239

Hey "bob239", Palin didn't say that, Tina Fey did.  Doof.

BTW, Wal-Mart employs a lot of people, and does this country a lot of good, which is more than I can say for Barack HUSSEIN Obama.

-- dwj

I agree with dwj.  We spend way too much time criticizing Wal-Mart, when we should be trying to find Barack's birth certificate.  Whoever voted for him is stupid.

-- mike_m

Actually...your stupid.

-- carrieanddave2002

Actually...YOU'RE stupid, because you "actually" don't know how to use apostrophes.

-- mike_m

ddear jesus

i hope you are king here soon like you r in heaven

-- horsegurl1998

If Jesus Had a Blog: Big-Time Leaders

Still hammering away on an old Gateway laptop at a coffee place in Judea.  I wanted a MacBook Air,  but then I remembered Shaun Groves said we shouldn't spend money like that.  (Mental note:  Gotta confront Mike Bishop, who just got an iPhone.  Sell-out.)

Anyway, there was this crowd today, and all these big-time religious leader fellers.  These guys LOVE being recognized, being significant, being "The Man" and all that.  And people give them the accolades, too:  "Ooh, it's my teacher!  My leader!" -- that kind of stuff.  So I says (and I'm quoting myself from the New Living Translation, owned by Tyndale):

Don’t let anyone call you ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one teacher, and all of you are equal as brothers and sisters.  And don’t address anyone here on earth as ‘Father,’ for only God in heaven is your spiritual Father. And don’t let anyone call you ‘Teacher,’ for you have only one teacher, the Messiah. The greatest among you must be a servant.

Were they cool with that?  (Snort.)  No, they weren't cool with that.  I told them that the people who thought they were "all that" now, with titles and what-not, would get humbled, and the humble would wind up being "all that".  That didn't fly, either.

Truth is, these guys get accolades, but you know what?  They just make life harder for people.  I told them that.

Posted:  Today at 6:32 p.m.

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Comments (13)

Well, this doesn't surprise me.  You've been anti-clerical for a long time, ignoring thousands of years of tradition.  This kind of caps it for me.  Not fair.

-- BigBob209

I guess I see where you're coming from, but really:  They're ALL bad?  You've apparently had some bad experiences in the past, and I'm sorry for that, but you don't need to make big blanket statements.

A lot of good comes from these guys, and you can't argue with how big their followings have gotten.  Maybe a jealousy issue...?  I don't know.

-- davec3410

I was there and all I heard was, "Blessed are the cheesemakers"...?

[From J:  Don't take me literally.  I meant ALL makers of dairy products.  BTW, we've got to rent "Holy Grail" next time.]

-- pete_the_rock

You sure like rocking the boat.  I think you're throwing some good people overboard. 

Some of these guys are our top experts on scripture, and I can't see how calling one my teacher is such a bad thing.  Yes, there are a few bad apples, but what are we supposed to do, stop learning?

You say you, Jesus, are they only real teacher? 

Uh...are you going to personally be in every religious building? 

I bet you won't.

-- vision4life2020

Yeah, I gotta piggyback on vision4life up there.  I usually get where you're going, but we need people in the offices of the teacher or the leader or, in some traditions, "father". 

You've got to delegate, and have somebody have some kind of stand-in status.

 Fact is, you're one dude, and you can't be there every time two or three people get together.

-- terpsfan98

My Pastor has seven books.  I don't see any of yours in our church BookTime CoffeeCenter. 

-- luv_n_grace

This post made me cry.  How dare you.

My husband is our church Teacher.  He is a man of The Word, and there's nothing wrong with recognizing that he is anointed to be the Leader.   It's not like this is a glamorous position -- he's had to put up with jerks in every church he's led.  Now, he's being called to be the Leader of a different place, we think, and so we're going there, and if they want to act like he's their official Teacher, I don't see the problem with that, and they offer a better health package.

Point is, you're really judgmental.  The real leaders are the servants?  Who's going to be on the church stage?  Why don't you put the volunteer custodian up there, then?  See how many people come to THAT church!

-- deb4213

Why did you say, "You're all equal as brothers and sisters"?  We knew that.  No one believes otherwise.  What's your point?

-- someguyscaredtousehisownname

I think you guys aren't being fair.  Chill.

I think Jesus is only saying here that we shouldn't be Catholic or Jewish.

-- intheword4ever

So teaching the scriptures makes life "harder" for people?  Good.

Studying IS hard.  Keeping the Word IS hard.  Keeping track of the right stuff to do IS hard.

No one said it would be easy.  No one said the burden would be light.

-- cubbies1908

Gee, nice post.  Real well thought-out.

I can see why your Technorati rank is like, twenty-millionth.

-- lifecenterworshipguy

You need to spend some time reading the epistles, apparently.   What Bible College did you go to...?  Are they really accredited?

-- DTS_09

hi jesus i like it when you sai d if i love you then you will take care of me :)

-- horsegurl1998

If Jesus Had a Blog: This One Religious Guy SO Didn't Like My Answer

So this one religious guy walks up, and he's got this rep for knowing all the rules.  And he goes all like, "Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?"

So I said unto him, "What is written in the law? How readest thou?"

And he answering said, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself."

And I said unto him, "Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live."

...and lo, he was not cool with that.  At ALL.

Posted 1:34 p.m.  in Category "Check Me Out I'm Talking in Elizabethan English"

16 Comments

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COMMENTS

Can't say I blame the guy.  You just wrote off studying scripture, being baptized, repentance, the church -- the whole works -- as worthless. 

Maybe he was hoping for someone to actually help, instead of a simplistic sound bite. 

-- savedbygrace313

I usually like your blog.

But you totally had a chance to seal the deal with this guy, and you just gave him an answer you knew would upset him.  You could have prayed the sinner's prayer with him, could have showed him the chart-thing with the two cliffs and the stick figure on one side and God on the other and how the cross would bridge the gap, but instead you do this, knowing he'd be ticked off.  I don't get it.

-- phillyphan22

And how are we supposed to quantify "love"?  How do I know I'm saved then?

How is this answer supposed to help?  How do I check this off? 

I'm with "savedbygrace".  Instead of being simplistic, why not just give him the right answer?

-- studytheword111

Wow...just wow.

-- i_always_say_wow_just_wow24

this is neat because i love GOD a LOT an d i cant do much right sometimes so i love that you said that

-- jess

Sure, it's really neat that a carpenter from backwater Nowhere can wipe out 2000 years of theology in one blog post. 

Seriously, do some reading before you make up simplistic answers to eternal questions. 

-- theophilus_phd

This is why I LOVE this blog.  You tick off religious people, and make people like me feel like God loves me.  God actually *loves* me.  That is so wild to think about sometimes!

-- marymags123

Jesus Christ, I don't know where you get this stuff.

I realize it's "hip" and "emergent" now to say it's all about love, blah blah blah, but there IS such a thing as the Bible, and we do have rules about the Truth, and it's not just "love".  Sorry.

Jesus, it's amazing what people will believe when we get away from solid teaching.

-- rootedintheword1972

I think what Jesus REALLY meant to say is that this guy wasn't particularly loving, so he needed to love.  He did everything else just fine, like tithing and keeping the Sabbath, and love is just another one of the things you're supposed to do. 

That's the way I look at it.  Jesus was just saying love is another thing to check off the list, and this guy was doing a good job on the list, and so it's just one more thing.  Right Jesus?

-- sallyann

No, Jesus REALLY means that you have to take this in context with all of the Bible.  Jesus knew that guy would eventually have a New Testament, so he could understand that Jesus didn't really mean that eternal life wouldn't really be based on loving God with heart, soul, strength mind, and loving neighbor.   God knows it's not that simple.  If it were, I could preach in less than 35 minutes.

-- RevBoy22

No, what Jesus REALLY means is that God has a wonderful plan for your life, and you need a daily quiet time like NOW or else you're really blowing it, big-time, and you need to start witnessing more fervently, and memorizing The Word.

-- goterrapins1990

No, what Jesus is REALLY trying to say here is that we've lost a sense of right and wrong, and especially kids these days.  Which isn't surprising, because we don't even pray in schools!  Pass this on to ten friends if you love Jesus!

-- huckafan2008

huckaby sux

-- blinkrulz

I think what Jesus is REALLY saying is that he's freaking nuts.

Imagine if we really started believing this stuff.  All we have to do is "love" God, "love" our neighbor as ourselves, and we live eternally in the Kingdom of God.  So everyone who doesn't "love" God, even if they tithe, pray, preach, evangelize, memorize, all that stuff -- won't be in the Kingdom?

Is that what you're saying?  So I guess we can just do whatever we want then.  Neat.  Hellooooo chaos.

-- disappointed_with_this_blog

Hey "disappointed"...if you don't love God here, why would you even *want* to go somewhere where He's FULLY in charge?  Think about it.  Maybe people who don't love what He's about here would really hate heaven anyway.

-- hunterboy99

i like ur blog jesus and i love you lots!!!!!!!!!

-- horsegirl1999

New Kamp Krusty Feature: "If Jesus Had a Blog"

We FINALLY got an internet cafe in Galilee.  The ESSENES have DSL, and we're just getting dial-up.  That should tell you something!

Anyway, I was hanging out with some religious leaders.  They got on my case for not keeping their Favorite Rules (apparently, you HAVE to wash up before dinner, in accordance with scripture.)  I told them religious leaders love to have rules to make everyone else feel inadequate.  They "tithe", and stuff, but my Father doesn't care, because He's all about people having hearts for mercy, and justice, not the tithing rule.

Didn't fly very well.  :0

Posted 12:36 p.m.  in Category "Stuff I Was Talking About in Aramaic Today but Now I'm Typing in English"

12 Comments

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COMMENTS

Jesus, love ya, but I think you're throwing the baby out with the bathwater again, here.  There's nothing wrong with tithing, there's a lot of scriptural precedent for it.   

I "get" where you're coming from, a lot of the time, but this is a little too simplistic.  I encourage you to continue to learn and study. 

-- karifish777

I normally don't comment, but I had to come out of lurking here. 

"karifish" is right, Jesus.  It's easy to criticize and critique, but how exactly do we measure "mercy" and "justice"?   

Maybe pray about this and talk to your pastor about it.  Oh -- I forgot -- you don't HAVE a pastor!  (I still remember that "brood of vipers" entry...)

-- chapterboy21

J -- I usually love your blog, and I appreciate the need for "love", here, but you're basically saying (am I clear on this) that it doesn't matter if I give money or not? 

You go off on these guys, but they're following their convictions.  I appreciate your emphasis on having a heart for mercy, but that's not the only issue.  We need people to DO things that show their hearts, and tithing is part of that.  I'm glad I tithe.

My dad is a pastor, and I showed him your blog.  He said (no offense) you've probably got a thing with authority.  Anyway, I don't think you do, but you tend to over-simplify things.

-- buckeyesgo02

Dude, what are you smoking?

Honestly I love some of the funny stuff you post here (that cartoon of Herod was over-the-top, though) but this is just wrong, I'm sorry.  You are too reactionary against religious authority.  God put those authorities in your life.  Look it up in the Bible, the Word of God.  (I know, I know, I caught your post about how YOU are the word.  Didn't care for that, either.)

-- quiettimephil

OMG.  I *love* this. 

THANK YOU for posting this.  I have felt like a loser for so long, like I can't keep up with all the rules and everything my church is asking me to do and I feel like a failure as a single mom.  And you're saying you just want to see me love people!   

I'm crying. Thank you.

-- karen83

J-Train -- Love the blog.  Keep it comin' brother!

You do seem to lump all religious leaders together.  I appreciate your point, but the fact is, there are LOTS of great religious leaders out there.  You've got a little 'tude going on there, and you speak in big, blanket statements. 

Yes, our religious system is messed.  But we don't need to trash it.  We need to reform it.  Blasting our leaders doesn't help.  We NEED great religious leaders.  I just wish you'd acknowledge that. 

Anyway, just a thought from a brother.

-- agape4U

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-- yourmedsnow2323434

I linked to your blog from your woodworking site.  I had ordered a new wood pulpit, but now I'm going to cancel, now that I can see where your head is with regard to religious leaders and our system.

To be honest, I'm surprised you have a public platform in Christian ministry, and that you're still allowed to do it.  I wonder if your audiences knew what you really thought...would you still have a job?

-- preachtheword9021

Yeah, let's all stop tithing.  Let's stop obeying all the rules.  There won't be any pastors, and we won't be able to pay the bills for our churches.  Nice.

While I'm at it, I'll quit as worship pastor and give all my money to the poor.   Why don't you quit ripping on everything and tell us how church government is SUPPOSED to work?  You never detail that, you just rip, rip, rip.

-- jesusfreak777

Dude -- This story is CLASSIC.

This is why I try to link everyone to your blog.  In fact, my church-planting site is all about trying to get people to believe what you're saying.  You RULE, man. 

I'm so totally with you on the establishment, too.  The weird thing: Almost as soon as I get a new group of Jesus-blog-followers going, and then I try to recognize the mature SERVANTS among them, they all start ranking themselves, and jostling for position and attention.  Unbe-freaking-lievable. 

I write letters to them, telling them to quit putting rules on people, and then they make rules out of my letters.  Hellooooo?

Anyway, I used to be one of those guys putting rules on people, trying to make things complex.  Swet gig, that. THANKS -- seriously -- for putting me out of THAT job. 

-- saul_call_me_paul23

Love the blog.  I think you way over-simplify, and I don't think you're right on all this stuff.  But if you are, I  just wasted three years in seminary.

-- lutherules99192

i don't understand the tithe thing but i like yourblog and i read the thing about how kids rule and i liked that a lot

i like the little yellow flowers U made UR AWSOME

-- horsegirl1999