RE: Told You So
Q: How do I witness to my hell-bound friends after I'm raptured?
A: With this website.
Q: And does it automatically send out emails to my friends six days after the rapture?
A: Yes.
Q: And do the emails tell my friends that I got raptured, so that's why I didn't show up for pilates, and yes, you can borrow my iPod now?
A: Yes.
Q: And does it only charge me only $40 a year to reach my loved ones for Christ?
A: Yes.
Q: And can we edit our own outgoing memos, to say what we really mean, like, say, "RE: Boo Ya"?
A: Yes.
Q: Could the post-rapture, auto-send feature fail, thereby sending false "I love you, but I've been raptured, and you've been left behind" emails to the person currently sitting next to me in the cubicle?
A: Yes, quite easily.
Q: Is this for real?
A: It's for real.
Q: And, like Annie Dillard, do we sometimes wonder why God doesn't just blow our dancing bear act to smithereens?
A: Every day.
