Kamp Krusty already solved poverty, but, it turns out, college professors weren't caring enough. So, sadly, poverty is not yet history. Turns out, academics like keeping things, you know, academic.
So, next modest proposal: How about saving our very, very, very fragile Earth? I'm with those folks who say we Americans have become so addicted to our lifestyle that we're going to have to make some hard choices. We need to make some sacrifices that will change our very way of life, even if it threatens our current ideas of "prosperity".
These will be unpopular choices, yes, but what good is protecting our lifestyle, if the planet is destroyed?
Answer: None good. Zero good.
That's why we should abolish mass-schooling.
It'll save about five BILLION bus miles, right off the bat. That's 5,000,000,000 miles, yearly, including extra-curricular trips. Think of the exhaust fumes, the fossil fuels -- five BILLION miles! Every year!
And that's not even counting the cars. Billions more miles with millions of cars, cramming roadways every morning and afternoon, students and staff, belching Earth-threatening gases into the sky.
And imagine, if you can, the energy usage of more than 120,000 large facilities! Billions of climate-controlled square feet, the massive expenditure of electricity for air conditioning and heating, not to mention the wanton, and lasting, environmental damage involved in construction, the habitats and green coverage paved to make room for parking lots -- mass-schooling is suicide for the environment, let's face it.
Of course, my family already participates in this plan, but teaching our kids here at home, as we believe Earth is worth saving, but maybe you disagree with that, and you hate the Earth. I can respect that.
Yes, closing mass factory-style schools will be a sacrifice. But we've been warned about that. Yes, it will have an impact on our American way of life...but we knew that would have to happen. Yes, this will meet with stiff resistance from those entrenched special-interests we've heard about, but that's what happens when you advocate for change. Stupid special-interests.
Yes, it will make education more difficult for many. But answer this question: How much value is your education if the Earth is destroyed? Huh? None value, that's how much.
Environmentally-conscious Americans will take heed. Of course, those with heads in the sand will continue to prop up the current Earth-destroying system, all the way to the coming environmental apacolypse.
Or apocalypse. I'm not sure which.