I Saw What They Were Doing Up There in First Class

I like it when I get to go on a plane!  One of the neat things is how they divide us into "classes"!  I'm glad they put a curtain between me and the First Class people!  I can sure understand why they would not want to even SEE people like me.   I wouldn't, either! 

Or, maybe, they don't want people like me to see people like them!  I can understand that, too!  If I was "First Class", I wouldn't want people like me to be able to see me, either, that's for sure!  I'd want a curtain between me and me, too!  Just thinking about me makes me kind of sick.

The plane people always want me to sit down in a special Other Section, called "Coach"!  It's a special other section, just for people like me!  I like it when I get to sit by the 600 pound guy!  I like it because the side of my face leaves neat patterns on the window!   

Thing is, I just flew on a plane, in my special section, and I needed to go to the bathroom REALLY, REALLY bad.  The plane-people had a peanut cart on wheels, which was neat, but it blocked my way to my special Coach bathroom!  I didn't know what to do.  My only other choice was to crash through the Veil, and use the First Class Lavatory.  But that's for First Class Passengers Only! 

Do you know what I did?

I urinated in the First Class bathroom. 

I did!  First, I pulled back the veil, and then I saw what they were doing up there in First Class.  You know what they do up there in First Class?  I found out:  They stare at people!  I saw them do it.  They stare at people who come from behind the veil and walk to the bathroom! 

I think they knew what I was going to do, too, in there.  And while I was doing that, I wondered if they would still be staring when I went back to my own special section!  And they were!  I think they were grossed out.  I'd be grossed out, too, if someone like me used MY special bathroom!

They also get face cloths.  I saw that, too.

Comments

[Shane]

I had a similar experience, except my first class people had beds! Oh just when I thought I couldn't envy my betters any more...

[kcillini77]

I just hope you did it standing up, as the Lord intended. Of course, he actually intended for you to pisseth against the wall, and if you did that, the first class passengers might not have been to happy. But maybe that would have been an opportunity for witnessing.

[Monica Battaile]

It was the hair that they were staring at Brant. It was the hair...

[Steve Sensenig]

Am I the only one that gets that this is all a metaphor about the institutional church and the clergy/laity divide? ;) hehe

[From Brant: "Kamp Krusty: Tearing Aside the Veil of Division, and Urinating in the Clergy Bathroom" -- that pretty much nails it.]

[John M.]

Just wait until you have to fly to China in coach, pal.

[From Brant: Dude, that's two weeks from now. Seriously. This time, my boy is going with me. He needs to learn the Coach Lifestyle.

I've been to Asia a few times, always in coach.]

[LayGuy]

As a guy who needs to travel on planes a whole lot, I totally get where you're coming from.

In two weeks, I get to fly to Istanbul and will be one of those staring clean faced upper class snobs.

I'll give you the goss from the inside when I get back.

[Patch]

I sat in first class a couple of times. The first time I sat there, I didn't realize, up there... you can start drinking booze as soon as you sit down. None of that waiting until you're in the air stuff.

So, the second time I flew first class, as I walked into the plane, I turned to the waitress errr, flight attendant and said "I'll have a Bloody Mary" and then I sat down in my roomy throne.

It's good to be the king!

[deborah]

maybe if you hadn't taken your accordian into the lavatory, they, you know, wouldn't have stared...so much. cause i don't think accordians are allowed in first class.

[Heather]

From one Other Section passenger to another: You did what many of us before you have failed to do. You entered the hallowed sanctum of Those Behind The Veil.

Kudos to you, my friend. I hope you pocketed a First Class washcloth as a souvenir.

[Mike Taylor]

I think First Class is a wonderful invention. It means that rich idiots ge to spend an extra £300 on their flight in return for a face-cloth, free drinks worth maybe £5, and getting their meals first. I, in turn, get my flight heavily subsidised in return for sitting further back than a curtain. Go, First Class people! Subsidise!

[maryann]

tears rolled down my face with this post...
that is too funny!!

reminded me of traveling with my infant daughter. they put us in the first row of "coach" and when they started pouring the martinis up there in First Class they pulled that veil curtain over.
My daughter didnt like the fact that we were parked on the runway in Atlanta for over an hour.
I bet the veil didnt stop those martini drinkers from hearing her complain about it.

too funny!!

[Jimbo]

"Do you know what I did? I urinated in the First Class bathroom."

Way to stick it to The Man!

I think this is why the first class passengers get seated first--so they can make mental notes while glancing over their Wall Street Journals at the coach-folk doing the perp walk toward the back of the plane.

[scott eaton]

Did you have your accordian with you? They might have been staring at your accordian.

Congratulations! I think this post could win an award for the most exclamation marks used in a post by Kamp Krusty. But I'm not sure, though.

[Dave Haupert]

Best. Post. Ever!

[Tim Maynard]

They probably thought you were Al-Quaeda.

[Brant]

I saw OBL on a video saying something about the "next phase" involving people urinating in the first class bathrooms. He admitted it might be kind of underwhelming.

"LayGuy": First Class to Istanbul? How'd you swing THAT?

[euphrony]

Brant, even if you are breaking all tradition and urinating in the First Class bathroom, I hope you remembered the old adage "If you sprinkle while you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seaty." That always applies.

I just flew first class from Houston to Tulsa. I was told at check-in that I had gotten bumped up. I so appreciated not sitting by the 600 pound guy in the first row of coach (where my seat had originally been). I just wish that if they were going to upgrade me, they would do it for a trans-continental flight instead of a short hop - then I could really enjoy the bigger seats.

[John Warren]

They actually probably thought you were Weird-Al Queda.

[Jae]

I had the opportunity to sit directly behind the 600 lb guy while his seat would only recline, all the way to Germany! Talk about 600 lb. guy directly in your lap!

[Steve_11]

Worse than having to "go" with the cart in the way is having to "go" in a window seat and the other two in your row have their trays down, stuff on the tray and they are sleeping. WWJD?

I have flown twice in First Class. One time I sat next to a real live TV celeb woman for 4 hours who actually talked with me. That was fun. The other time I was sick the whole time from "aguas malas". That was not fun.

Brant - Why are you and J. going to China?

[RevJeff]

Did you ever notice there are no screaming babies in first class? Unless you count the Osteen's on that Continental flight some time back....

[James Sheldon]

Good for you...depending on flight capacity, I often just go in my soda can and give it back to the "flight attendant."

[Bob Sacamento]

Oh wow! So you were that guy?!?!?! Actually, what we were staring at was that crazed, manic look that you generally see only in the eyes of those who are trying to climb into a lifeboat, or make it to the bathroom with seconds to spare. And when you came out, you had your fly open.

[Rowan]

Wow - A little compassion for the "600 lb" man... You think it's tough sitting next to or behind an obese person on a plane? Try BEING an obese person on a plane. You don't think we try to do everything we can to fold into ourselves so as to not be in your space? I get to (sometimes) buy two tickets and ask for the seatbelt extensions. I get to try to squeeze my ample rear end into a 15 inch seat cushion that's tight on average folks. Obesity is not Jesus' will for my life, but I'm working on it. That's a lot easier with some understanding. I'm just saying... fondly,
Debbie Downer - wonh wonh