UPDATE: My Opponents are Sabotaging Me
Yeah, big "coincidence".
I'm on my way to Nashville, for the Gigantic Award Thing, and I'm getting on the plane, and the mechanic guys notice a huge hydraulic leak.
Huh. Interesting timing. What are the odds. Huh. Yeah.
So I'm supposed to be in Nashville, but I'm not. I'm typing this now from stupid Philadelphia.
Nice try, opponents. Your attempts to violently force my plane down, mid-flight, were thwarted. Plus, I question your thinking: It's not like if your plan was successful, they'd announced that I'd won, but say, "Well, Brant won, but he was killed in a plane crash yesterday, so let's give it to someone else." No. They would have had a moment of silence, and they would have mailed the trophy to West Palm, and they probably would have had like a slide show about me or something.
Your intent: Less glory for me. Your actual result: Big pictures of me, accompanied by "I Can Only Imagine". You didn't think that through, opponents.
Again, the joke would have been on you. But your dumb plan failed, and if I can ever leave Philadelphia, your worst nightmare will be in Nashville! Ha HA! Checkmate, my friends...if I can get on another flight here in a second.
I seriously just realized I'm sitting at the wrong gate right now. But as I get up and move to the right one, where I might be able to get on that other flight: Be sore afraid.
Did you see Nashville as you flew over it the first time?
Posted by: Seaton | April 19, 2008 at 03:50 PM
This reminds me of Brian Regan's airport routine...hilarious stuff.
Posted by: rob smith | April 19, 2008 at 04:52 PM
YOu tell 'em Brant!
Posted by: karenkool | April 19, 2008 at 05:14 PM
Only correction: I would suggest "Christmas Shoes" to be the song to accompany your slide show. Or maybe "I'm never gonna Dance Again" by George Micheal.
Every time those songs come on I have to pull over cause I just can't see from the hot, scorching tears. I'm telling you, not a dry eye in the house.
Posted by: Seth Ward | April 19, 2008 at 06:33 PM
Yeah, I'm thinking there may be more going on if "mid-flight" between West Palm and Nashville = Philadelphia. Were you on flight 815?
Posted by: amy | April 19, 2008 at 10:22 PM
I always astounds me to have to fly north to go south...
just don't eat in Philly - got a mean case of food poisoning there.
Posted by: Heidi Renee | April 20, 2008 at 08:33 AM
"I can Only Imagine"? You and I both know they would play "Friends are Friends Forever". Come now.
Posted by: Bullyfoot | April 20, 2008 at 01:26 PM
My mother-in-law once sat 3 chairs from the door to her gate and completely missed not only the entire boarding of the plane, but the last 3 calls of her name. So don't feel badly about being at the wrong gate.
Posted by: Monica Battaile | April 20, 2008 at 06:15 PM
It would be much funnier if the song was Switchfoot's "The Blues".
Posted by: brainondrugs | April 20, 2008 at 09:10 PM
Your opponents went through all of that trouble and their efforts were wasted. Congrats! Just so you know, I would have demanded a recount if you weren't announced the winner.
Posted by: Adrianne | April 21, 2008 at 12:20 PM
I see that Dan Michaels was nominated for an Echo.... Did you get his autograph?
[From Brant: Get this, Rich, as the ONE other person who would recognize this for its awesomeness: Dan Michaels is in my fantasy football league!
We both stink at it. My team name is "RobertSweetVisualTimekeeper".
He doesn't know I'm a big fanboy. I ran into him recently at a pizza place, and he was hilarious. What a nice guy.
He didn't win the award, but they should give him a truckload of Dove Awards, retroactively, IMHO.]
Posted by: Rich | April 21, 2008 at 09:19 PM
Hey at leat for you they would have played "I Can Only Imagine". I died once, and all they played for me was "Dare to be Stupid" by Weird Al Yankovik.
Posted by: Brady | April 22, 2008 at 08:56 AM