Touring the Times

Man, THIS is creepy.  "Poverty tourism", they call it.  People go to the slums, watch the poor people, then retire to a ten-course meal, and they charge $30,000 apiece!  Then the guests pat themselves on the back for learning about the plight of the poor...but really, while they pose as caring, they're really all about themselves and their acquisitiveness.  Hypocrites!

I'm glad I'm more enlightened than that!  I read the New York Times!  I'm no uncaring capitalist. I'm a caring, informed global citizen.  I'm aware of the challenges facing not only the poor, but those facing our environment.  Did I mention I care?  I do!

Let's look at this Sunday's edition!

Here's a big article in section one about the poor people in Kenya, who are being displaced.  I care about them!  Those stupid people in the White House ought to do something!  And on the other side of the page, here are some cool watches!  Five different ads on the same page!  Gucci and Tag Heuer, too!

And that's a cool new Alfa Romeo I can buy!  Wow!

Here's another way I can be caring.  I can buy my fine wines from Napa Valley, under the label, "Markham Wine".  Says here in this full-page ad that they'll use a bit of the money to make changes in communities somewhere!  I feel good about that.

Here's an article about poor, single mothers in China.  Pretty rough deal, there.  Turn the page, and Nordstrom is having a big lingerie sale!  $42 for a bra! 

And check out this new perfume I can buy that actually smells like GOLD!  It's only $105! 

Global citizens who care, like me, love the New York Times.  Here's an article about religious persecution in Iraq.  How sad!   And here's an ad below it for a luxury tour of Ireland!   And Tiffany is having a sale on bracelets!  Ooh!

Oh -- an article on the poor in Amazonia, the oppressed "forest peoples".  Aw.  The White House should really do something!  There's a lot of bio-diversity there, you know!   And Bloomingdale's has a sale on their "Pretty in Python" watches -- now only $3,000!

Says here Al Gore has a new "logo":  It's the word "Me", but it's flipped over, because it's not really all about "me"!  Good stuff.  So true!  And here's an article by it, about a "green" house I can buy, for only $3 million!  With all the luxuries, but with a special air conditioner!

Oh -- awesome!  This ad says CIRCA will re-set all my fine jewelry, and give me "instant gratification"!  I like instant gratification!

Dang it.  Says here CEO's are still making too much money.  I hate that!  It's not fair.  Plus, they -- wait:  COOL:  "The Brompton" is now offering "stylishly proper" condos I can have for $4.6 million!  Neat!

I love the Times because they give their readers real life ideas.  Like this piece about the best ways I can spend 36 hours in luxury while in Dubai!  I'm usually bored in Dubai!  And here's an ad inviting me to see the new de la Renta collection if I just call for an appointment!  And here's an article on the plight of people without health insurance!  You know, that White House should -- wait:  Sotheby's is having a big art auction for discriminating collectors!  Pretty full-page ad!  Ooh --so sad:  People are facing foreclosures, and it's not fair, and, here's some very fancy homes advertised for Jupiter, Florida, of all places, and man, this is interesting stuff, and anyway, back to the point, those "poverty tourists" would have to be pretty full of themselves to pat themselves on the back for talking one way, but really living the other. 

Bunch of posers!