There it is:. God is alive, and He loves us.
This equation calculates a guy's "odds" when pursuing a woman, and, more importantly, demonstrates that, in a purely rational universe, my wife shouldn't have married me.
For my single brothers, fill in the variables yourself, scale of 1 to 10 for each:
Let "W" = Your wittiness
Let "G" = Your aggressiveness
Let "Ay" = Your attractiveness
Let "Ah" = Her attractiveness
Let "R" = Her "amount" of current relationship with a possible current boyfriend
The mathematician who developed this says:
How it worked for me:
I tried to be realistic. I met Carolyn in college, and I was wittier than most guys my age. (I had a t-shirt with a picture of an alien guy that said, "Be a Lert! The World Needs More Lerts!"
So I gave myself a "9" for that. I gave myself a "1" for aggressiveness, and a "5" -- being generous, perhaps -- for my own physical attractiveness.
I gave her an "8" for attractiveness, though she's closer to a "10" now. She didn't have a boyfriend.
Sum: Snowball's chance. And, indeed, if it weren't for a well-timed Appalachian snowfall -- I'll write about it sometime -- it never would have happened.
We've been married 17 years.