Here's a Post that's Not Actually About a Dog Balancing Cups and Saucers

(The rest of this post is about the church, and sex, and stuff.  The pic at left is to make your kids think you're looking at a lengthy post regarding dogs who balance cups and saucers.  Which, come to think of it, may make for a better post, but I didn't know what else to say except, "Cool, here's a dog that balances cups and saucers." but the picture already kinda gets at that.  Yep.  Thank you.)

I got a kick out of the responses to the "30 Day Challenge" thing.  I thought the challenge kind of a bad idea.  May make you "relevant" -- we all want to relevant, by golly -- but isn't it kinda awkward, on a few levels?  I was thinking that.

(BTW:  I was at a Christian-themed singles event last night, with hundreds turning out, at the Improv.  It should have occured to me, on stage, to issue a "1 Year Challenge":  "I sexually challenge my sexy married self to enjoy some very sexual sex five times a day for the next year.  And I challenge you single people to not do anything.  Cool?  Cool.")

Anyway, I got some fun objections to my hesitation about the attempt at "relevance" via comments and email:  "But the church has to talk about sex, and...but we shouldn't act like sex is gross and...but we can't stick our heads in the sand," etc.

But this points out a problem, doesn't it?  Nowhere did I write, or intimate, that the church shouldn't address sexuality.  Nowhere.  But it's presumed, in some quarters, that addressing sexuality means having some guy in a pulpit talk about sex to everyone, en masse, right before everyone leaves to go to the Golden Corral.

Er...why?  And what does it say that people think this is the means of teaching?

We can't fathom other ways to teach?  Are we this limited?  We can't, in our rich imaginations, possibly envision any other way?  Teaching = a guy doing an oratory on Sunday morning?  You really think that's the best place the church can teach about sex? 

Obviously, the church has to teach about sex.  And I'm all about that, mister.  Heck -- and, let's face it, I really meant "hell", there -- for me, once a day for a month seems like a lowly goal, to be honest.  Make it 100 times for the month, and we're talking.  How about them apples, chump?  This here hunka accordion-playing love makes Mark Driscoll look like Richard Simmons.  Yessir.

So never for a moment did I think protesting the all-church, from-the-pulpit Sex Challenge, as bad idea would be taken to mean that the church shouldn't deal with sex.  But perhaps I should have.

I was just thinkin' maybe...I don't know...maybe other people could do it.  In other venues.  Our group of guys takes our teenage guys out for dinner on their birthday, and sits around them, out on the back porch, and advises them very, very frankly on sex, porn, and how to treat women.   It's just guys, challenging each other, talking about their own traps, their own failures and successes, telling the younger ones (and each other) how great and perilous this gift is.

Seems fair, to me.  And more than appropriate, too.  It involves sustained relationships.  It teaches not only about sex, but how it's not strange to talk to older men about it.  It teaches not only about sex, but how other guys let Jesus actually matter in their most vulnerable places.  It teaches not only about sex, but about how these young men are to be the church, and not leave it to the paid guy.

Yes, the men in our country, and our churches, are porn-soaked, and yes, we better talk about it.  Perhaps we could find ways of talking sex that don't involve everyone, en masse, in the sanctuary on Sunday morning, from a guy not everyone can really know, and can't know them...?  Maybe...?

And perhaps -- let's be honest here -- it's MORE dangerous to "deal" with the issue that way, because you may not have really "dealt" with anything...except your need to feel relevant.

Comments

[Cherie]

The Golden Corral? Talk about Ew.

[Steve Sensenig]

right on, brant! nicely said.

[Jen]

Holla!

[Coralie]

Isn't this really how the church should deal with ALL of the tough issues? Isn't that what Titus 2 is all about?

[Pastor Doug]

Dear Mr. Hunka Accordion-Playin' Love,

You nailed it (no pun intended) on the head with your last sentence:

"...you may not have really "dealt" with anything...except your need to feel relevant."

It's sad enough that there is actually a church somewhere which calls itself RELEVANT CHURCH. It's even sadder that they have to use gimmicks like this to draw crowds and to perpetuate evangelicalism's endless need to ape the culture. Bleeeck.

When you hear the word "relevant" being used in contemporary church life, you should read "self-focused." Anything which doesn't make my sex-life or married life or work life better is just not 'relevant.'

Anyway...love your blog. Love your accordion. Love the whole Krusty thing!

[Deemus]

A few observations:

1. I agree the Sunday morning pulpit (I thought you were a home-church mongerer?) is not the place for sex talk. I don't want my kids hearing that from anyone but me. My 13 year old daughter does not need to hear me going, "YEEEAAHHHH!! and Right on brother!!" and other agreeing comments when the topic is bang I mean loving my wife.

2. I don't want anyone telling my 15 year old son how to treat women except me.

3. On the 100 times in a month thing, I am right there with ya brotha! In fact, I was trying for that exact thing a few years back, you know, before I had 7 kids. Just a warning, you know.

Keep up the good work!

[Seaton]

Man, that's good stuff! Your group of guys are changing the lives of teen guys (and their future girlfriends and wives) in ways they can't fathom yet.

Go figure, people really living out their faith in front of each other in ways that really matter. You'd better be careful, or someone might decide this Jesus stuff is real.

On a side note, "100 times for the month"?
Do you eat anything special, like oysters, or take any specific vitamins? I mean, I'm just curious....

[Francie]

Brant, I completely agree that there's a time and place. Some people just don't want to hear their pastor talk about his sex drive.

Been there. My pastor preached one TMI sermon talking about his sex life. He also compared an exhausted wife ever turning down her husband to a thirsty woman begging for water and a man telling her she just had water last week. Maybe if you gave her water, she'd feel well enough to make that sweet pastor monkey love.

Sorry, I just don't want to have that picture in my head. Make it stop!

[RevJeff]

Maybe we could just blog about it or something...

Hmmmm.... maybe it was the only way the preacher could bring up the subject with his own spouse???? I don't know - I'm just saying...

If everyone had a dog that balanced cups and saucers this would probably be a mute point.

[Kelly @ Love Well]

Bravo!

That dog can really balance, can't he?

Oh, and the post? Brilliant. Just brilliant.

[RevJeff]

Real Sexy Photo...
http://www.classic-recreations.com/pics/d/500-1/DSC_0325.JPG

Go ahead I dare you to look... you'll be addicted ;)

[Travis Thompson]

I love this post. Great job. I just forwarded to several of my friends. Thanks for writing it.

travis

[Jen]

Holla!

[Monica Battaile]

Honestly, Brant, the dog thing would have been more interesting...

except...

...that my DAD forwarded the same "Challenge Article" to the family email list. We had a VERY different conversation.

First of all, my little sister was all for the challenge. Ew. ;)

But the most "brought up" point was COMMUNICATION. If you're having sex once a day, you are having to COMMUNICATE. I know, I know - it's a scary word.

You can see by the dog's face in your picture, it's communicating, "Why, why, WHY are you making me do this?!?!"

I think some people see this challenge as a, "Why, why, WHY are you making me do this?" or a, "Why, why, WHY would you talk about this in CHURCH" thing.

I think it has a place. It shows kids that sex is for married couples only. It shows married couples that "sex" is NOT a four letter word.

(Pause for recognition of awesome joke...)

Really now, teaching and preaching about the awesome thing that God gave us - SEX with our SPOUSE - is a two-thumbs-up-good-decision for me for the preacher. It's a hard thing to preach on. I think Satan has brought up some horrific things when it comes to sex and people can't see past the porn, past the teens getting pregnant, past the celebs having babies out of wedlock, past people having sex out of wedlock. Some people have to be reminded that the fun stuff is still OK as long as it's with your spouse. I should know - I'm one of them.

Sorry, I did not get a chance to post to the latest post on this.

[Sarah]

I bet that picture was taken in Japan...
(Oh, ya, I was paying attention. Good post!)

[Rich Barrett]

That's a fantastic tradition to practice with teenage guys! That's exactly what more churches and christian communities need to be practicing.

I think you could argue that ANY topic of spiritual growth is better discussed in a small group. Our group just had a great discussion on "not letting the sun go down on our anger." It stemmed from a sermon, but became a lot more practical (and detailed) in our small group, especially as we discussed the difficulty of applying this in a marriage.

Lots of churches have jumped in on "Porn Sunday" which you could also argue was a bit gimmicky but the church I was a part of at the time would NEVER have addressed that topic so honestly if there wasn't a national campaign to tie to. And because it was discussed (with care) from the pulpit, it gave a lot of small groups the courage to tackle it. Ultimately the small group discussions are what really helped people confess and make progress.

So, sometimes a sermon or series can be a catalyst for people to talk about issues more candidly in smaller faith communities. The two working together can be a good thing.

[George C]

I think it is the challenge itself that is stupid. we need to talk about sex because it is a part of life and a part of life that God deals with in Scripture, a lot.

The truly creepy thing about the challenge is that it is impossing some sort of standard that God does not.

My wife and I happen to be getting enough lovin' to keep us quite satified, but who am I to say that someone getting more or less than we are (married couples, of course) is not just fine where they are at.

I am fine with someone dealing with the false taboos, the mistreatment or defrauding of our spouses, of how far is too far for the unmarried, ect., but the frequency issue is pretty much a personal preference thing. If a husband and wife are happy with once a month or twice a day, go for it.

Anyway, time for bed.

[seven]

Plus that's the mandate of Titus 2, for the older men to teach the younger men, and the older women to teach the younger women. It's a harder solution, because it goes beneath the surface, but I think it's worth it.

[Michelle Van Loon]

Preach it, bro Krusty.

Amen, amen.

[Just Matt]

I only think that sex should be tought from the pulpit if it is precluded by the choir or praise band doing a praiseworthy rendition of "Let's talk about sex baby" by Salt-n-Pepper.

[Brady]

Our group of guys takes our teenage guys out for dinner on their birthday, and sits around them, out on the back porch, and advises them very, very frankly on sex, porn, and how to treat women.

If a group of adult men had done this, without my knowing it was coming, when I was a teenager, I know I never would have gone out with that group of guys again!

[From Brant: Right. We have a great time with the whole thing, and they know it's part of the rite-of-passage deal. It's a blast, actually. And the older teenagers give them advice, too.]

[euphrony]

Love what your saying about the older guys being involved with the younger guys. Honest discussion - and a sermon is not a discussion, by any means - between people who know each other and can trust each other is important. Especially when you talk about issues as charged and hard to deal with as sexuality.

Mrs. E recently read me a statistic that 70% of Christian men are involved with porn on a regular basis. And 30% of Christian women. That's about the same as can e said for the general populace - so we're no different just because we're in the church.

Talking about sex in the church is a great thing. Talking about it from the pulpit - uh, they're little kids here, ya know, that I won't let watch shows or play games that address this issue until they are a little older. Had a friend tell me recently he was watching Transformers with his 5-year old boy for the hundredth time when the boy asked dad "What's masturbate mean?" (they say it in the movie) I don't want to define that for my preschooler!

[Paul Lytle]

Should we be taking young guys to dinner and talking about sex, porn, and all of that? Yes. Should we be taking them out and talking about grace, faith, sin, communion, baptism, evangelism, studying the Word, praying, lying, stealing, coveting, worshiping, idolatry, the end times, family, school, work, television shows, books, music, and when the new season of 24 is going to start?

Yes.

And should we be talking about all of that from the pulpit too?

Yep.

Well, maybe not 24, unless you can draw just a really cool parallel between Jack Bauer and the two Witnesses of Revelation 11.

I'm sorry, but unless you find me a verse that says that any passage from the Bible should be skipped on Sunday morning, I'm going to want to hear about the whole thing in the sermons. You ever think that maybe the whole reason the church is so messed up is because preachers were uncomfortable with certain parts of the Bible?

So we need sermons about it. And we need to hear it at dinner. And in e-mail. And in phone calls. And over coffee.

Lookit, JESUS PREACHED ABOUT SEX.

I'm afraid it's true. Check out Matthew 5:27-28, right in the middle of the Sermon on the Mount.

It's going to make us uncomfortable, but the Bible makes people uncomfortable. It exposes the heart and demands change.

And that means in the area of sex too.

[From Brant: Sure. But it depends on how you handle it. Obviously. You can talk frankly about masturbation, for example. Are you going to to do it from the pulpit?

Perhaps context DOES matter, and it's not merely a matter of "Well, sex isn't dirty, therefore let's preach about it." Depends on how you handle it.

My point here is that there are, in fact, other means of teaching, but some reactions from my earlier post belie that.]

[Derek]

Well, seeing as how the whole style of oratory we use now isn't the predominant form of teaching/discipleship that we see described in the New Testament, I think we can take this example and apply it to most areas of discipleship. Relational mentoring is far, far more effective than presentational teaching. I mean, I remember maybe 1% of what I've heard from a pulpit. But I remember most of what I've learned through relational mentoring.

I guess Jesus had the right idea.

[Chris]

Pretty much agree with ya.

My church hosted a Porn and Pancakes event (you hear about these guys? this ministry goes around the country doing them along with reaching out to those in the porn industry) just for men (and older boys) and barely got anyone. It wasn't in our usual location (which isn't some traditional church building anyway but a movie theatre) - it was in a middle school's auditorium. We had a pancake breakfast with it - and called it a forum. Yeah - barely anyone came. But it was a great idea - and over a really important topic that just about every guy (OK really - every guy) struggles with in some ways, and no one addresses.

Rankled all kinds of people about it - church-goers and those that don't. Newspaper articles and quite a few write-in comments by readers... yeah well it garnered attention but didn't get the crowd desired to really probably make a difference (since guys just weren't there).

I wrote about it awhile ago - here.