IKEA = DaliWood

I sent a couple friends down to the opening of the new South Florida IKEA today.  I can "send" friends to things because I'm on the radio.  Being in media allows me both Svengali-like powers of persuasion, and the freedom to foist my accordion-playing on 100,000 plus people at any given moment. 

Aisha and Adrianne filled me in on the scene, so I'll take your questions.

Q:  Did the "grand opening" of the furniture store feature a full color guard, in addition to fanciful youth choir, spiritedly singing the Swedish National Anthem, surrounded by a phalanx of paramedics, hundreds of yellow-shirted employees clapping thunderstix, people with blue balloons taped to their hair, and trampolining youths in bug costumes?

A:  Uh -- yeah, actually.

Q: What's the big deal? Don't you already have furniture stores?

A:  Yep!  Lots!

Q:  So...

A:  ...

Q:  So...what's the big deal?

A:  Now, we can buy bookshelves and ottomans!

Q:  But you could already buy bookshelves and ottomans, right?

A:  These come with umlauts.

Q:  Is Swedish-made furniture better?

A:  I don't know.

Q:  What do you mean?

A:  We make the furniture.

Q:  But it's a furniture store...?

A:  ...that lets us build our OWN furniture!

Q:  With Allen wrenches?

A:  And umlauts! 

Q:  During the opening event, was there a ceremonial cutting-in-half of a palm tree?

A:  Yes.

Q:  Why the paramedics and ambulances?

A:  At a recent IKEA opening, three people were trampled to death.

Q:  No. Seriously.

A:  No, seriously.

Q:  Did the shopping go on?

A:  Yes.

Q:  Back to the SoFla opening, was there enough parking?

A:  No, they had to use trolleys to cram all the shoppers back-and-forth to the BankAtlantic Center parking lots.

Q:  Can a person buy furniture, then haul it onto a crammed trolley to get it to his car?

A:  Nope.

Q:  So people camped out for days, then couldn't actually buy the Swedish furniture?

A:  They couldn't actually get the furniture, but that's okay, because we have other furniture stores.

Q:  Did the whole riotous scene resemble a post-apocalyptic, Swedish version of Mad Max?

A:  You were there.

Comments

[karenkool]

Bahahahahahahahaaa*snort*HAhahahahahahaha!

[John]

Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?

[Molly Ranae]

I have a couple of buddies who were there...they just got the keys to their new apartment today and got free furniture for being one of the first hundred people in line...although I do not know what "free furniture" entails, but for most bachelors IKEA is a step up from bringing home whatever some guy had sitting on the curb down the street waiting for the trash man to pick up.

[Mark]

IKEA.......friend to both the new college graduate and the recently divorced man...Those crazy swedes! Yumpin Yimineee!

[Todd Hawkins]

Reminds me of the recent opening of Indy's first Dünkin' Dönuts on my route to work. I had heard they have great coffee, so I thought I'd drop by and get a cup one morning when I was running late. I turned into the strip mall parking lot and found myself at the end of the drive-through line that circled the parking lot. And there was no way out of the line. (That is, for those unwilling to get out of their cars and move traffic cones.) It would have taken half-an-hour to get my coffee.
It was that way every time I passed it for two weeks.
Unbelievable.

[Just Matt]

IKEA, like fussball, is from the devil

[Seth Ward]

We went to an IKEA in Jersey a month ago. My favorite part was the cafeteria. I ate honey glazed Salmon, fresh mixed veggies, and potatoes for 2.00!!!!!!!!!! Then, they had a breakfast special: ham, bacon, scrambled eggs, breakfast potatoes for 1.00!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I lived next to the friggin place. I would be living on some umlaut food.

I wonder if Motley Crue likes to shop at Ikea?

Spontaneous bad joke alert: "Hey Motley Crue, the Ikea store called and they want their umlauts back." (bu dum splash.)

[M.E.]

Michigan's first and only IKEA opened less than a mile from us and it's been a hate/love situation ever since that day........mostly hate. The traffic mess they've created has left part of a major road artery in our area clogged beyond belief. I simply don't see what's so great about IKEA that nearby neighborhoods even have to put up road blocks to keep IKEA customers from clogging their streets on the weekends.

BTW, If you don't enjoy feeling like a rat in a maze any more than I do, here's a suggestion. Page through the IKEA catalog and decide what does and doesn't interest you. Then bypass the store and proceed directly to their warehouse area. They have built up samples of their products in the warehouse, so you can decide if it's what you want. You don't see what's in the box until you take it home and unpack it anyway.

BTW, for anyone who has never visited an IKEA, let me warn you that their products, while affordable and quite functional for short term use, are hardly heirloom quality. However if you're not into antiques and don't mind filling the dumpster every ten years or so, it might just be your perfect ticket.

[Albert]

Here's a line from the Wikipedia article on IKEA..."IKEA contends that it has been a pioneering force in sustainable approaches to mass consumer culture."....umm, sustaining mass consumer culture.... sounds like a prime candidate for "Stuff I Wish Didn't Exist. Pretty Much"

[Michelle Van Loon]

I have a friend who calls IKEA "Scandanavian Hell".

But does hell have bookcases named "Ingmar" (with an umlaut over the g)?

[Texas in Africa]

Seth, there's a reason that food costs $1. Namely, that wasn't bacon.

[Wolfgang Amadeus M.]

Eurofurniture..hmmm...

They have an IKEA in Wien. Its outside of Wien actually, thats where the "MALL" is also. If you want to go to the "MALL" you can either take the IKEA bus out there- or, drive out there, and get parking tickets- have them stamped at IKEA- and then you don't have to pay for the parking. Great marketing scam eh bene?

Everything in Wien is small- unless you live in a palace (schloss). So- Eurofurniture is a good thing. Its easy to move, and easy to disassemble if you need to. Nowadays with movement accross Europe so easy- it isn't uncommon for people to purchase such furniture and take it with them. Another thing is Pergo. It, like Scandanavian Furniture, is also movable.

I have no problem IKEA. Minimalism isn't my thing, but, if I lived in Wien- I would have my Forte-Piano, and a bit of furniture- and keep it very simple. After all- one only needs one set of Lederhosen complete with felted coat and hat, One green suit- with an appropriate sweater vest, belt, shirt, cufflinks, tie, and socks with loafers- as well as a good briefcase, topcoat and bumbershoot. Night time is just as simple- at least for me- and then of course the mandatory underware. One doesn't need much living in a small, flat in Wien.

Probably not even a kitchen when you realize how easy it is to eat there.

IKEA...sounds like a yuppie dream to me...

Wolfgang

[Fr. Bill]

Yo, Wolfgang! I'm another former Wiener -- '83 through '87. And, yes, our entire house was furnished in IKEA. We bought it all in that very store you mentioned -- out in "Shopping City Süd." Remember that?

Know what? Those crafy Swedes haven't changed their furniture design one iota in the past 25 years. That's the nice thing (commercially speaking) about minimalism as a design philosopy. If you do it right, you never have to do it again. And IKEA has FORGOTTEN more about minimalism than anyone will ever discover forever in the future. About the only people who have or ever will exceed them are the architects for the Federal Bureau of Prisons.

So, here I am 25 years later in the provinces south of Dallas, and we STILL have some IKEA items scattered around the house and stuck up in the attic. They make Really Durable Stuff, espcially the things made out of metal. Our guest bedroom sports a vintage 1984 IKEA bedcover, as bright and ... uh ... awning-ish as it was when we first spread it on a twin bed.

And these folks in Florida think IKEA's A New Thang? Pshaw!

[Seth Ward]

Ohhh, it was bacon. I'm a Texas boy and I know my bacon. It wasn't J.D. bacon but it was bacon. About a 6 on the 10 scale as bacon goes. Why do I suddenly feel fat?

I agree with M.B. about the furniture being non-heirloom quality. However, the quality depends on the brand. Some is better than others. And good lord, there's a reason why it is cheap. I have NEVER seen so many screws and bolts, wooden pegs, etc in my whole friggin life.

It is definitly a tester on the old how-hubby-and-wife-work-together tollerance. In fact, I think that before a couple can get married, the couple should be deprived of sleep for 20 hours, then go to a small room where all they have to do is put a full bedroom set together from IKEA. If the guy makes it out un-injured, then its wedding bells.

Think the Catholic Church would go for that idea?

[Wolfgang Amadeus M.]

Yo Fr. Bill! Oh Ja- I remember too many things- to well. Frankly, I preferred the Innenstadt - I spent alot of time walking, and well- as I said- everything is small when you live there. IKEA is a real boon when you have to furnish such a place. Americans really don't understand that because for so many years they have had the luxury of living in big houses with many rooms- that they could furnish as if they were royalty. Another fact- Americans can live in the suburbs- drive and own cars cheaply; they really don't understand living the Euroway. What Americans throw away in the Garbage daily, someone in Europe could make a meal out of.
Frankly, there is alot of it(living in Wien) I miss.

Now, Fr.Bill, You forgot- Bauhaus- the ultimate when you talk of Minimalism. Some of the Craftiest things I have seen made recently have come from the Germanies or Scandanavia. And you are also right- they have forgotten more in the last twenty five years then we will probably design in the next five- when it comes to functional and ecofriendly furniture. I love the clean lines..something really nifty about brushed stainless steel and blond wood, cleanly designed. I also love the traditional Rococco Architecture- but when it comes to simplicity- I do love that Scandanavian Eurolook.

My current Kitchen- is that clean, stainless steel, crisp wood look with Granite counters- two sinks- a prep sink and a deep sink, separate from each other. Its my hobby- and a way of relaxing- cooking that is. Anyway- I digress.

As I said- I have no problem with IKEA. When you live the lifestyle that requires that kind of furniture- such as the way life is in Wien- small kitchen, small everything- having IKEA to help you is great. Otherwise- you're trying to stuff old famillie furniture into a room that really won't fit it.

Dallas eh? Well, I'm out here in the Wonderfully cultured SW- high in the Rockies enjoying the incredable culture of Roe-de-OH,Cowboys and Mutton Punching. The biggest thing here is the Snake River Stampede. If I go to the next largest town-to the local University(what university- its not the Uni of Wien thats for sure!) The Local Opera Company actually puts on two Operas a Year! Shucks- if I recall- seems they held Operas All the time-practically daily during the season at the Burgertheatre. The Ballet is equally dispicable- they hold almost as many of those as they do Operas. When I first came here- three years ago- I went to the Shakespeare Festival. The play I watched was almost unintelligable, and I spent the most part of it shivering in the cold, the wind was so bad. Can't even get a decent piano tuner.. And, since I live in a Red state-the one currently embarressed by one of its senators, my views are fairly radical comparatively.

Yes, I am homesick. I miss the culture. I miss getting fountain pen ink for my pens, I miss ink for my dip it quill nib pens. I have no idea where I am going to have to go to get that- probably an art store--or IKEA! Ha! I also miss, the street vendors, the fresh fruit, the cobblestones, the grapes as big as a ping pong ball, the Apfel Strudel (now you know what I am talking about here-- the best ever can only be found in Wien!), and all the Konditori. Sigh... I cannot get alot of what I just mentioned above. A year ago, I was lucky to have Wienerschnitzel, made by someone who knew how to make it- he was from Scandanavia- and an excellent chef. Due to the fact that nobody out here, but me, probably eats that way, he ended up closing his restaurant. Spanish food is the big hit here, not Austrian. So- I am homesick.

IKEA- a New thing? Nah..haven't seen one out here yet- wish there was- perhaps soon. Out where I was living prior to this-Ja- IKEA existed and was beloved.

**
So- does the FR stand for "Father" in the Church sense? Just curious. To many years a Catholic in Austria (Ja, I like Sankt Stephens).

**Mr. Seth

IKEA can be heirloom quality if you remember that in Europe- people don't live like they do here. Those lucky enough to have a house, don't have big ones. Things are expensive- especially if you want a car. It can also be very beautiful in the right situation. Granted, I wouldn't put it in a Log cabin, or a ski hut- but for furniture in town- in a small flat or haus- its great.

Simplicity can be beauty in itself.

**
As far as the Catholic Church liking your thought- that would be too easy.

Deo Gratias,
Wolfgang

[Sarah Louise]

The best part about IKEA is getting a meatball dinner and lindenberry juice. Oh, I'm ready to get in the car right now!!

Oh, and I lived in Wein for 3 bliss filled weeks one summer in college.

I have less IKEA furniture now than I did, but I love going there. The marketplace is a DANGEROUS place...

[Wolfgang Amadeus M.]

Seems to be alot of Wiener Lurkers here...:)

Our Local Masons have taken and remodelled the Temple to become a Service centre-they meet else where now. As part of that, they have put in a Eurodeli. I haven't investigated it- one of my brothers has told me about it. Probably should one day.
Its not IKEA- but, perhaps- perhaps they may have Strudel..und eine Kanchen Tee! :)

sigh...you know Sarah- once Wien snags your herat- it never lets it go. Its just that way. You won't be happy till you are able to go back- and it will be well worth it. :)

Wolfgang Amadeus