I sent a couple friends down to the opening of the new South Florida IKEA today. I can "send" friends to things because I'm on the radio. Being in media allows me both Svengali-like powers of persuasion, and the freedom to foist my accordion-playing on 100,000 plus people at any given moment.
Aisha and Adrianne filled me in on the scene, so I'll take your questions.
Q: Did the "grand opening" of the furniture store feature a full color guard, in addition to fanciful youth choir, spiritedly singing the Swedish National Anthem, surrounded by a phalanx of paramedics, hundreds of yellow-shirted employees clapping thunderstix, people with blue balloons taped to their hair, and trampolining youths in bug costumes?
A: Uh -- yeah, actually.
Q: What's the big deal? Don't you already have furniture stores?
A: Yep! Lots!
Q: So...what's the big deal?
A: Now, we can buy bookshelves and ottomans!
Q: But you could already buy bookshelves and ottomans, right?
A: These come with umlauts.
Q: Is Swedish-made furniture better?
A: I don't know.
Q: What do you mean?
A: We make the furniture.
Q: But it's a furniture store...?
A: ...that lets us build our OWN furniture!
Q: With Allen wrenches?
A: And umlauts!
Q: During the opening event, was there a ceremonial cutting-in-half of a palm tree?
Q: Why the paramedics and ambulances?
A: At a recent IKEA opening, three people were trampled to death.
Q: No. Seriously.
A: No, seriously.
Q: Did the shopping go on?
Q: Back to the SoFla opening, was there enough parking?
A: No, they had to use trolleys to cram all the shoppers back-and-forth to the BankAtlantic Center parking lots.
Q: Can a person buy furniture, then haul it onto a crammed trolley to get it to his car?
Q: So people camped out for days, then couldn't actually buy the Swedish furniture?
A: They couldn't actually get the furniture, but that's okay, because we have other furniture stores.
Q: Did the whole riotous scene resemble a post-apocalyptic, Swedish version of Mad Max?
A: You were there.