Question for Quiet Reflection

Question:

How many 5 year-olds could you fight off, before you were knocked out?

Please, consider.

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Doug asked it of me yesterday.  I debated it at length last night at our church dinner gathering, and then again at lunch today. 

Stipulations: 

1)  The walled arena is the size of an NBA basketball court. 

2)  The kids get one day of training from a martial artist

3)  No holds barred;  they're allowed to bite.

4)  You start in the middle.  Kids are randomly dispersed to begin, and represent cross section of demos, shapes, and sizes.

I say 25-30, tops.  Shawn, former Army rugby player, says "hundreds".  Ragin' Cajun Mike Bourque says, "unlimited", which is patently absurd, in my opinion.  I think you'd get tired, get kicked, double over, and eventually get knocked out. 

They can kick really hard.  I know this for to be a fact.

Please, offer your well-considered opinions.  This is a safe place;  there are no wrong answers here, besides Mike Bourque's. 

Comments

[MWest]

I find this post and all the comments......hilarious. Warped sense of humor has gone to a new level.

[Troy Torbeck]

Scenario #1: Average kids, mixed gender, no more than one day of one-on-one martial arts instruction. No weapons. TRULY no holds barred.

Answer #1: At least 1000, but no more than 100 in the arena at one time. I would need a small space to work with. Via RUTHLESS example-making, taunting, and intimidation, I could avoid being knocked to a prone position where kicks to the head would be possible. If the group were replenished, I would eventually tire and fall.

Scenario #2: Brainwashed martial arts assassins with 5-year-old physical build. All else same as above.

Answer #2: 5-30. I am unsure how many I could incapacitate with hyperextended knees, gouged eyes, etc. (remember, TRULY no holds barred). There is bound to be a critical number that could not be simultaneously fended off. Again, the key would be falling to a position prone for kicks to the head as I doubt any 5-year-old punch carries knockout power.

[Liam]

I can take two, but once their slightly older sister steps in it's over. This is proof (click picture for next in series.)

P.S. Can I come to your "not a church" church? You have way more important conversations.

[illiah]

I've taught physical education classes with 75 5 year olds (and 2 other grown ups.) I lasted a whole school year before I quit for the less stressful job of social worker. And I had sponge balls and those long pool noodles as weapondry....

[Brant]

Awesome pics, Liam. You must explain your full name sometime. Too cool. And yes, you are welcome here anytime. I think you'd love our ragtag outfit.

I must say, I have laughed loud and hard at some of the comments. Far better than the original post. We had a few families and people stopping in and out this evening, and I've read them out loud to riotous laughter. I'm sure this will be quite-off-putting to some who don't countenance untoward violence even in tongue-in-cheek hypotheticals, but so be it.

Troy Torbeck's logic is impeccable. Except that I don't like the 100-at-a-time caveat. It's all at once, son.

[shaungroves]

Yes, Shawn, I am thin, but I'm wiry. And my father was in Nam. Plenty of rage and skill has trickled down to me via the gene pool.

If said kids have been raised on the average American youngster's diet of McNuggets and large quantities of Red #40 I could take 10 max. There's no stopping that kind of mutant resiliency.

But If they are musicians' kids, eating organic and taking guitar lessons instead of playing little league? Several dozen. 48ish.

Multiply these numbers by five if I've had my quiet time. By slightly more if they mess up my hair or mention my mom.

[karenkool]

Well, if you keep me up all night with teenagers... the next day I could take out just about as many little pukes as you could toss me! Trust me! I know what I'm talkin' about!!!

[Garrett]

Well, if I can fight back, I guess I would assume at least 50 over a period about about 30 minutes... at which point I would probably faint.

Any of you arrogant commenters who posted 100+... when was the last time you PLAYED with 30 kids?

Last time I tried that I was virtually knocked out in an hour.

Granted, I was fighting back... but that's not the point. They are little MOTORS!

Kick'em as much and you want, 5-year-olds are much more durable than adults when in comes to bouncing. They will outlast you for sure.

They may be small... but they dangerous little buggers!

-Garrett

[Cpt. Crayon]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiOiA1yThJ8&mode=related&search=

[Shawn Bashor]

I just wondered what Shaun Groves meant by "multiply these nubers by five...slightly mre if they mess up my hair," mess up your hair? How in the world do you mess up this hair Mr. Groves?

[i am turtle]

When the actual event takes place, please be sure to post on YouTube! Not that I'm condoning such activity.

[RevJeff]

I'm going with a pretty high number (hundreds) depending on whether you are allowed to hurt them or not.

Back in the day at summer Bible camp, the game was throw people off the dock. Some cute but obnoxious couselor thought she could get her cabin of little (7-9 yr old)girls to ambush two of us and get us to fall in.

It became an escalation of world war proportions, so I enlisted a fellow lifeguard who was former ARMY infantry, and we stood with our heels on the edge of the 8 foot wide dock and launched 65+ before we ran out of room to toss them without having them land on each other... then we bullied our way back to shore and picked up the couselors and make examples of them...

I think we stopped because the lunch bell rang.

[frank]

Hmm...little boogers can kick...I'm going to say a man, average size, height and relatively in shape...a good bakers dozen. Who is going to participate in this battle royal to prove who is right?

[RevJeff]

Cpt crayon - THOSE were hilarious!

Brant - "FIGHTING IS BAD!"

[Brant]

Three times, I've played "Me vs. The World" tackle football. Twice against middle schoolers (15-20 each time) and once against 13 high schoolers.

Only "handicap" rule for them: They had to pass.

I won all three times. Adult men are very strong compared to teenagers, even if the former are in not-so-good shape and the teenagers are athletes.

Granted, if just one starting varsity level linebacker or tailback was on the high school team -- it's all over.

I'm really convicted, in my heart of hearts, that I could fend off 30 attacking five year-olds, absent moral qualms.

[Nathanael]

I had a moral qualm once, but that was years ago.

[Shawn B]

Thank you RevJeff for the backing on the estimate of "hundreds." It is a realistic number. I suppose 25-30 is realistic too Brant, that's a great start!

[TYLER ADKINS]

Good question, one I think we have all asked ourselves at one time. We have to realize that these are kids here and they are only 5. I can scare a 5 year old by screaming at one in the face. I don't care how many kids you gather up. The sight of there comrades knocked out and me screaming at them is going to scare of a lot of them away. In the end fear will give me the victory.

[Brant]

Tyler,

While I appreciate your consideration of the question -- what you offer here is helpful -- I must request that you search your heart:

How many would be too many? Sure, there is a number.

Again, your attention to this matter is most appreciated, and I await your heartfelt response.

[mdkeyes]

This question, and variations of it, run through my mind each week, just before I begin my Junior Church class.
The people who answered unlimited, or hundreds, must be assuming that all these kids come at you one at a time, like in all the old Tarzan or Popeye movies. It seems reasonable that at some point, the kids are going to organize, strategerize, and then its over, like Ernest Borgnine in Willard.
That said, 25-30. They're kids, after all, and it will take them some time to think about working cooperatively.

[Doug Hannah]

If you can handle 25-30 of them, there is no doubt in my mind that Carolyn could handle 75+.

[Jonathan]

Okay, dude. Easily, the number of five-year-olds I could take out skyrockets past any value in the hundreds. I'd say, that with no restrains on how I would take care of them, a merciless beating is what I would have in mind for them. It's simple. Everyone who mentioned scare tactics and what not are absolutely right! Little numbers like thirty or whatever is just ridiculous. If I was the size and weight of a five-year-old, but still had the same skills and knolwedge I do now, then I could only take thirty, but I'm much bigger than a five-year-old, and so are you, Brant. If you can only take around thirty, then, based on that, I'd say I can take out about three Brants!! :)

[John]

You said no holds barred, so, I'm going to go with that.
It would not be difficult to incapacitate a 5 year old.
If I begin in the middle, I move as quickly as I can to a corner ruthlessly mowing down any in my way.
Once in a corner, I can limit their direction of attack and prevent a pure swarm over my back and legs.

From this point on, it's like the Hot Gates. I'm the Spartans, they are Persians. They won't take me down, but they would eventually wear me down as exhaustion sets in.

I'm going to estimate it would take an average of 5 seconds to incapacitate an average 5 year old, some faster, some slower.

Now, the question becomes, will they continue to atack without caution or will they ease up for any reason?

If the stream is non-stop, I figure I could go 2 hours before I'm far too fatigued.
20 per minute at 120 minutes means 2400 5 year olds.

BUT, what happens to the fallen kids? I can stack them crudely as they fall creating a small walled fort of 5 year olds meaning it will slow their attack allowing me points of rest. They will have to climb in to me or even up to me depending on how I stack them. This greatly extends how long I can last, but reduces how many per minute I'm handling.

Now, plain exhaustion may not do me in. Dehydration might factor in. I figure at this reduced level of exertion, I might last 12 hours of sustained assault, but I'm fighting fewer per minute. Even 5 per minute might be high, but let's go with that, it's 4 times less than previous.
So, 600 in 2 hours, or 3600 over 12 hours.

So, I say 3600. Sounds like a good number.

[MamasBoy]

The biggest unknown is the psychological aspect. Others earlier in this thread have done much to convince me that putting a little fear in them will come in handy. Will the kids be afraid after they see a comrades with broken ribcages and dislocated knees screaming hysterically and writhing in pain on the floor? I think they would and that would make life much, much easier, assuming a person could make an example out of a few kids before getting swarmed. The small basketball court could potentially make things more difficult. I would prefer a 120 yard by 80 yard soccer field.

My best guess:
A) 10-25 no-fear psychopaths who have adult instincts for strategy.
B) 50-500 normal 5 year olds. I'm old and tire easily. Also, I can be clumsy. If I trip over a downed kid and get caught prone, I might not even make 50.

MB

[TYLER ADKINS]

Well if fear isn't a determining factor and these kids are like evil lemmings. Then I might take on 25 before I get wore down.

However having said that a lot depends on the actual number of kids at one time that get dispersed. If 100 kids all attached Andre the giant at the exact same time they could kill him simply by suffocation. Granted some kids would have to suffocate as well just to build up a good layer of kid over his face.

that is all.