The Krusty Sage Speaks: Shut Up and Change Diapers

(Per usual:  The Krusty Sage has no one in particular in mind here.  Not sure why you'd be offended anyway, but just thought I'd say that.)

So you got little kids.  Everything -- every single, stinking, thing -- is a hassle.

You miss hanging out with other adults.  So another family invites you over for a simple dinner.  But getting out the door is a logistical nightmare, on the order of Operation Iraqi Freedom.  Procuring a babysitter requires more energy than "date night" seems to be worth.  You can't go anywhere, even out for a quick coffee with somebody, without lengthy, Kissinger-esque negotatiating and bargaining over who's really due the time "off". 

Dinnertime through bedtime?  Brutal.  You want to bail with your laptop. 

I know how this goes down.

But it gets better.  I'm serious.  Suck it up.  This WILL pass.  So embrace it.

Change diapers -- lots of them.  There's no better time to tickle a kid.  They can't squirm away.  You've got 'em.  (Krusty Tip:  Put your face on the baby's stomach, and make big raspberry noises with your mouth on his tummy.  He'll go crazy.  Another Krusty Tip:   He won't let you do this when he's 13.)

The dirty diaper smell bothers you?  You'll get used to it.  Don't be so queasy.  Be an actual man.  That smell is the smell of a child who's living.

Help your wife chill.  Keep injecting humor into the chaos.  This time does not last.  It gets better, I promise.  She'll positively love you for this, and she won't forget it, either.

Don't be a traitor and blow your marriage, either.  For some reason, the K.S. has known several guys who picked THIS time of life to cheat on their wives.  Yes, home is stressful.  Yes, your wife is busy and tired and maybe cranky.  She's in a battle.  HELP HER, man.  It will get better.  Tell her that, too.

Ignore the "Just wait until..." people.  Tell them to shut their big yaps.

Everybody told the K.S., "Get your sleep now!  Just wait 'til that first baby is born!"  Yeah, just wait.  Just wait!  Then, it's "Just wait until they're able to crawl around -- THEN, life gets really hard."  And, "Just wait until they're two years old..." and "Just wait until they get verbal skills and can sass back," and "Well, just wait until they're pre-teens, because..." and "Well, just wait until you have TEENAGERS, because that's when it REALLY gets tough, and..."

Krusty Sage and Krusty Wife now have a teenager.  I can't get enough of him.  He's smart, hilarious, cool, wonderfully sarcastic (Praise God), plays djembe to K.S.'s guitar, and battles me at NFL Street 2.   I know:  "Just wait until he's sixteen, and..."  Know what?  I can't wait.

Those "Just wait until..." people?  They were brats. 

Every stage has been a better stage.  No stage lasts very long.  Savor them, man.  Having a kid is not an 18-year long haul.  It's a series of little hauls.  That kid you have now?  Goodbye.  She won't be the same kid six months from now. 

Tuck your newborn's head under your chin and let her sleep on your chest.  Because, I'm telling you, as soon as her pudgy little arms get the strength, she'll start pushing off.   That's in a few weeks, sir.  That's what they do. They're rockets, and your chest is a launchpad, and they push off, a little further, and a little further, and it never stops, until they're quite literally out of sight. 

They're launching, and from the first separation stage to the blackness of space, it's all good. 

Change diapers.  Quit whining.  There's hope.  It gets better.  Very soon.  Honest. 

Just wait.