The Seven Habitrails of Highly Effective Churches

Sometimes I regret that we don't take up an offering when our church peeps get together.  If we did, we could snag us one of these things.

These things would give our church a "competitive advantage", it says on their website.  An awesome competitive advantage!

I got the website from Church Business magazine, published for pastors.  A friend gave me a copy of Church Business magazine, because he really, really loves me and he really, really, wants to see me finally lose it.

A big soft-play, Christian-themed park would give our church, or ekklesia -- our gathering of those "called out" by God -- a competitive advantage over other ekklesia, other gatherings of people "called out" by God.   According to the ad for pastors, it will do precisely what we are called out to do:

1.  "Attract children and families" to our facility.

2.  "Increase the value of services" that we offer.  Before, we offered a reason to live.  Now? A reason to live -- like gerbils.

3.  "Enhance the image of (our) facility."   -- in accordance with scripture.

Like I say, I want one.  I, Brant Hansen, want to enhance our ministry image with nothing less than the 0501c, with BatBox(TM), Elbow Tube, Kidrgy TeeterTodderTube with interactive Teeter Motion and...NO WAY do I offer this ministry without the optional Dumpty Humpty (TM) ball room with xtra Softee Balls. 

I heard the church down the street didn't opt for the Dumpty Humpty.  Chumps.  Helloooo, new congregants, right this way...